Hello!

I'm a traditionalist. This page is here because every website should have one.

This site is built with ASP.NET and is maintained using either Visual Studio, Visual Web Developer or Expression Web 2. We speakey the VB. Just about everything here comes out of an object, and masterpages and themes are used extensively.

Data is handled by MySQL, because it is free and pretty much kicks ass. Download a safe copy and burn it to media before Oracle ruins the product.

Privacy

I use Google Analytics to track which pages are viewed and by which browser and operating system. If you are bothered by that, I have some bad news for you: Every move you make on the web is tracked, so find your own special quiet way to deal with it.

Limits of Liability

Do not try any of this at home. By your use of this site, you agree that you can't sue me because something I did/said/recommended/wrote harmed you in some stupid way.

Disclaimer

This website does not reflect the thoughts or opinions of either myself, my company, my friends, or alter ego; all rights reserved; terms are subject to change without notice; this website has not been safety tested for children under the age of 3; illustrations are slightly enlarged to show detail; intended solely for the private use of our audience; any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is unintentional and purely coincidental; do not remove this disclaimer under penalty of law; hand wash only, tumble dry on low heat; do not bend, fold, mutilate, or spindle; your mileage may vary; no substitutions allowed; for a limited time only; this website is void where prohibited, taxed, or otherwise restricted; caveat emptor; prices may vary in Alaska, Hawaii, and Puerto Rico; message is provided "as is" without any warranties; reader assumes full responsibility; past performance does not predict future results and people can and do lose money; an equal opportunity website; no shoes, no shirt, no message; quantities are limited while supplies last; if any defects are discovered, do not attempt to read them yourself, but return to an authorized service center; read at your own risk; parental advisory - explicit lyrics; text may contain explicit materials some readers may find objectionable, parental guidance is advised; keep away from sunlight; keep away from pets and small children; limit one-per-family please; no money down; no purchase necessary; you need not be present to win; some assembly required; batteries not included; instructions are included; action figures sold separately; no preservatives added; slippery when wet; safety goggles may be required during use; sealed for your protection, do not read if safety seal is broken; call before you dig; not liable for damages arising from use or misuse; for external use only; if rash, irritation, redness, or swelling develops, discontinue reading; read only with proper ventilation; avoid extreme temperatures and store in a cool dry place; keep away from open flames; avoid contact with eyes and skin and avoid inhaling fumes; do not puncture, incinerate, or store above 120 degrees Fahrenheit; do not place near a flammable or magnetic source; smoking this message could be hazardous to your health; no salt, MSG, artificia l color or flavoring added; if ingested, do not induce vomiting, and if symptoms persist, consult a physician; may cause drowsiness, alcohol may intensify this effect; use caution when operating a car or dangerous machinery; possible penalties for early withdrawal; offer valid only at participating sites; slightly higher west of the Rockies; allow four to six weeks for delivery; must be 18 to read; objects in mirror are closer than they appear; disclaimer does not cover misuse, accident, lightning, flood, tornado, tsunami, volcanic eruption, earthquake, hurricanes and other Acts of God, neglect, damage from improper reading, incorrect line voltage, improper or unauthorized reading, broken antenna or marred cabinet, missing or altered serial numbers, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, sonic boom vibrations, customer adjustments that are not covered in this list, and incidents owing to an airplane crash, ship sinking or taking on water, motor vehicle crashing, dropping the item, falling rocks, leaky roof, broken glass, mud slides, forest fire, or projectile (which can include, but not be limited to, arrows, bullets, shot, BB's, shrapnel, lasers, napalm, torpedoes, or emissions of X-rays, Alpha, Beta and Gamma rays, knives, stones, etc.); other restrictions may apply; contest ends 12-31-98; contents measured by weight only, contents may settle in transit; May cause random outbursts of extreme violence, epileptic seizures, or whatever; actual message may differ from illustration on box; Professional driver, closed course.